My Obsession

The day I was born, or I think even when I was still inside the womb of my mother's, I already knew what am really so obsessed with. But then it seems that not every one is really happy of the idea and it's kinda frustrating, really. They were expecting something from me which am already sick of hacking it up, meeting their expectations on me (roar!). I hate to study, and I hate being the freaky genius of the class. All I want with my life is to spend my time on the dance floor and turn the music on and then that's it. I told a lot of my friends even my teachers that if only I could go to school that teaches only about dancing, I would enroll there. I know it's out of the question but I was hoping it is. Though they love watching me swaying my hips, but they are not that exactly into it. I mean they are not that actually accommodating. Dancing is truly my escape from cracked-up brain because of stupid and damn exams and everything. When there are a lot of things in my head and I don't want to think about it, I would listen to music and dance. I would unwind myself through it, aside from going out with friends or going to the office and have chika with the others. In fact, when I study, am not really studying through the whole time. Time to time, I would stand up and do some dance steps and then afterwards go back to studying. It even makes me find memorization easy because of it. I know why they really don't like the idea of spending most my time in dancing because it can turn your head down. They even told me I have to quit on it but because am so stubborn that I could never do that. Well, who could be blame...? Like I said, even when I was still inside of my mom's belly I already started dancing.

I love public speaking as well and that's my compensation to them. I want to talk in front of a crowd though it could be frightening. But once you’re on that stage and speak out the first word, you'll just notice that you're already half way through of your speech and realize that the crowd just gave prestigious applause as you take your bow. All of the nervousness that you once felt behind the stage just peter out and then you just delivered a good speech. When I love it, I still have to study and learn it. It needs brain snapping and concentration, same with dancing. But then, when I love talking it was when I was already born.

New Racket

My life has been so hard up now a days. My mom could hardly give me enough money for my weekly allowance. Good thing that I have a monthly "H" in Pylon which has really help me a lot. Unfortunately, it's still not enough. I still found a hard time surviving with a limited budget. This is just because my course is really a money-eater, that is because we have this technical term "news legging". News leg is our term when we conduct interviews from our beat, the area we're assigned to gather news. It's really "kalas" because we have to ride a pedicab or an easy ride. But then, I found a new racket that really had solved my problems, though not totally but at least.... This racket, perhaps you already know what, is really tiring like sometimes I have to do it first rather than my home works. It's really brain cracking, like your brain is gonna drain because of finding 500 words per article and it's like I could only have 3 days to finish 5 articles. Can you imagine that? Good thing if I don't have any other things to do. But, I still have a bunch of stuffs to do which are very important too. Either way, I still have to finish my racket or else I can't earn. Anyway, this happened all because of Ate Janjie. She asked me one day about my vacant times and then she said if I like to earn extra money. So without second thought, I said yes, of course!. SOooooooo badly in need of money so why not take it. But that's just it, I have to double time and give a little sacrifices. GEEeeeeeeeee! Thank's 'te Janj...

JULY 8

August 3, 2010

I never thought it would happen, and never expected it thet he would....after what I did to him, to both of us. I was already slowly accepting things that this is what it's going to be. I was already on my way of moving on and get on with my messed up life. I was trying to fix myself and focus to ther stuffs that still needs to be entertained. After all, my life is not yet ready to end there, after what happened with the two of us. I was trying to keep up with other people as well. I already lost hope that we'll be toghet again after he turned me down when I texted him 'bout patching things up. I was even mad at him when I found out that he deleted our pics and most of all there is this other girl. I sai to myself, "Am I that easy to forget?" It never took him weeks to recover from me. He was having sweet chats and all that. I deliberately asked him that about him and the girl and he said they are hust friends, close friends...mmmh,durh!,whatever!.. And So after that, I set my mind to forget him and was trying to set my life straight. Trying to get my life busy for it was my only my way of unwinding my mind and my emotions. I wanted to find a great and a good diversion so I could not think of him.

But then, July 8..ahah!,. July 8, indeed. The unexpected thing happened. Though I was tring to move on but still it wasn't easy. And so when that day came which I never really thought of it anymore, it was one of my most happiest day of my life. Our love was re-birth...Char!..lol!..He wanted to talk and then after that,....alam na..KAMI NA PUD!..weeeeeeeee!

GOSH!

July 22, 2010-Thursday

My goodness I forgot about this blogger thing (lol!). I guess I have to second the motion Ate Janjie's, " ...so I have a blogger pala," (roar!). I totally forgot about this one until Jollibee reminded us to update our blog. It's like the reaction is, "Oh yeah! Haven't thought of it for a long time now." And would have never remember it if I wasn't reminded 'bout it. Gosh! It's like my oldest post was in the year 2009, can you imagine that? And then I just updated it yesterday, my gosh! Anyway, so much 'bout this "forget" word, I'll start my updates now.
The oldest post I had was the " Love is on the Air". Unfortunately, it had come to its end. After a year and a couple of months, love died. It was all because of my stupidity and dumbness. Love really dumb you no matter how smart you are. Anyway, it was because of this guy whom I realized after being with Kent for a long time, that I haven't totally recovered from him. Stupid, aye? I wanted to endeavor not mind that feeling on him, that it was just nothing, but it turned out that it didn't work. So what happened was, I decided to be with myself alone. It was so hard to endure the pain after it because I really damn missed him. I was lost and could never make myself think straight. I thought I was doing the right thing. Damn that other guy, but I can't blame him either, for there was no one to blame but myself. It was June 18 when I decided to cut the string that tied us both. But then, after a couple of weeks, July 8...........................................................

to be continued (wala na ink ang computer)

De Ja Vu

July 21, 2010- Wednesday

Do you know the feeling of having been there yet, it's actually your first time? It's just like, you already saw it in your dreams and then it happened the next day. For you, you already know him. Contrasting to his side, he just met you just now. My point is, you feel like you know about him a lot and you develop this feeling you never expect to come. Unfortunately, your remain a stranger to him. You're just one of those passing friends he has. Sorry for you, you've been going crazy on him for a while now. How unfair life isn't it? But that's the best thing in life, IRONY! It would help us see the true beauty of every animate existence of soul.
Sometimes having an experience of it could be a little scary. Why? It's just that sometimes you can't trace why you're here or why is it happening again. You are having hard time explaining yourself why or how. Especially on the part where you don't want it to happen and yet it seemed like you haven't escaped from it. Because it happened again and it reminded you. The worst part is, it could be the part where you were humiliated.

Love Is On The Air

Can't fight off this feeling anymore. It's really into me now. I have to let go of this but I don't want to. It scares me but it makes my life happy. Scared to get hurt and feel the excruciating pain and yet it saved me from solitude and everything's like a spree. It's very astonishing love is knowing that you had a life, once been locked in a room, brightened up with a single candlelight and then suddenly a rainbow struck into that room through the window. Now it's unlocked, it's already free and willing to take in some light to have more brightness. The acumen of love really drives you crazy in a natural way, no matter how you try to ignore it, it always gets in your way. Love is on the air which I have to breathe in. And I never had a feeling of bafflement or any second thought or something like that. I am even more blissful as I let love burn my life. After 18 years, love is on fashion which is "pret-a-porter". It's very inevitable and ineffable whenever your asked why. I just grin at them and it already explains all of it.

I could remember I told myself once and I even wrote it on my blog,"It's better to stalk someone 'till he gives in". Well, I didn't do that and I never did. He just came out of nowhere and struck me with his arrow. I even also wrote a line," There is really no love story for me. Only fantasies from my dreams". Well, now I guess my fantasies from my train of thoughts or images that passed through my mind in my sleep or even in my reverie came true. The feeling is like a deja vu, you happen to have it for the first time and yet, you seemed like you had it before. Almost everyone browsed my renowned collection of list of men and asked me the very same question,"Why him? So many of them, why him? What is there in him?". I grin at them again and say,"Everything. He's wonderful!". He is not that much. He doesn't live in a lavish lifestyle, either. He is just simply KENT, who fills in the missing part of me.